oh sh*t! is this my life?!?

Lessons You Can Learn From Musicals

• Les Miserables: Stealing a loaf of bread may seem like a good idea, but it will literally fuck up your entire life.
• Spring Awakening: If you get laid, you die. If you don't get laid, you die. Also don't trust your parents.
• Chicago: It's ok to murder people as long as you wear lingerie and can sing and dance.
• The King and I: Racism doesn't count if you sing about it.
• My Fair Lady: People will like you if you talk like you have a broom stick up your ass.
• Hairspray: In the 60s, people will hate you if you're overweight, UNLESS you also hang out with black people.
• RENT: AIDS really blows.
• A Chorus Line: If you ever audition for a musical chorus, you better have a goddamn good story as to why you became a dancer.
• Grease: If your boyfriend doesn't like you, change absolutely everything about yourself to please him.
• The Phantom of the Opera: When choosing between a controlling boyfriend and a sociopath composer with a messed up face who dwells in an opera house's basement, take your sweet damn time.
• Rocky Horror Picture Show: Finding refuge from a storm in a mansion who's owner is a transvestite will make you inexplicably horny, and seemingly bisexual.
• Love Never Dies: Let the crazy woman run off with your son. You may never see him again but you'll get to be with your deformed lover and at least you won't die.
• Wicked: If your born green and people make fun of you for it, fake your own death and run away with a scarecrow.